You might know if you're a regular reader that I'm a sucker for butchered foreign translations. To be clear: I'm not poking fun. Any arbitrarily selected foreign person speaks my language far better than I speak theirs. Also to be fair, most companies have figured this out by now, and have native speakers take care of translations instead of dictionaries or Google translate (or whatever other machinations might be used). But I just love the completely unexpected jangle of words you get when you attempt translating dramatically different idioms and diametrically opposed grammatical constructs into English. It's almost like reading e.e.cummings poetry. You immediately get the sense of it, but there's this delightful whimsy about hearing words coming at you that a native speaker would never naturally string together.
Hence, this week's exhibit: Zipper Knife.
Now Zipper Knife is totally cool, partially because it's so darn tiny. I was one squeak away from being the proud owner of a Zipper Knife, and if I hadn't just last week bought a new Gerber key chain knife, I would be. But Zipper Knife's real deal-sealers are the benefits. Just in case you can't read the tiny print, here's what Zipper Knife can do for you:
- Sometimes, you can use this tool to improve your nails.
- You can put it to key ring.
- This tool is very convenient to open an envelope for you.
- It is so cool if you use this item for necklace.
All excellent benefits, for sure. However, they save the best for last.
- It looks so small body. But it has true functions for your life.